Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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