How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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