dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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