I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
