I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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