he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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