Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
