saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
