i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
