i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
