i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
