i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh god it's open bar.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
