I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
