I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
