some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
