you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
