you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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