Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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