I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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