Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
