your parents love me but you hate me
I faked an abortion last night.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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