you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
