If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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