oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
