Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
