I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
