I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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