Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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