I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
