Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
