Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
