the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
