FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
