I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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