I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
