U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
