i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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