I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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