I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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