Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
