And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
