You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
