Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
