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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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