I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
