I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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