Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
