Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
