Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
