How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
