you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
