I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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