There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
