I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I could make wine with my vomit
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
