I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
